Do You Feel What I Hear?
by demorabella
Summary: A songfic 100. Details inside. BAness. Ratings may change. I'll take requests if this gets off the ground. Enjoy! UPDATED PART 26.
1. Pretty Music

AN: Got the idea to try and help my writer's block. Basically this is a 100 hundred songfics thing - each part will be 100(ish) words plus the lyric fragment. The song is "Pretty Music" by Lauren Kennedy.

* * *

_You're baby's gone, it's true._

_But look at what's standing in front of you._

"He got caught in traffic," she muttered. No real loss – liars were always the worst. At least with the ones who just cut her off when she dialled their number, there were no doubts. If they made up an excuse, however cheap, there was the faintest hope that they were at least interested in, maybe even _cared_ for her. That wondering was what hurt.

"Still, they play good music here. C major. Like you."

"How?"

"You're where it all starts, " he smiled. "You're my anacrusis."


	2. If You Could See Him Through My Eyes

AN: Hello again. Thanks for the review. I'm taking requests if anyone's interested. The song is "If Could See Her Through My Eyes" from _Cabaret. _I appreciate some people might be offended by this, but please understand there is none intended.

* * *

_I understand your objection. _

_I grant you the problem's not small,_

_but if you could see him through my eyes..._

I know why people tell me I'm stupid, apart from having come out a little pink bundle instead of a little blue one – because they think he's crazy. They know nothing – he's so much more than that. Yes, he's "unique", but more than sometimes it's a good thing.

I just wish that they could see the good in him. That's all I want. I wish they could see how kind and dedicated this man is, and how lucky I am to work with this miracle, this man who saved my life.

I wish they...cared for him like I do.


	3. With or Without You

AN: Hello again. This one's a request from C.I.TigerFan - "With or Without You" by U2, but when I wrote this the Scala Choir's version was in my head. A bit of an Untethered postep.

* * *

_My hands are tied,_

_my body bruised. She's got me with_

_nothing to win and_

_nothing left to lose._

It's times like these I miss the service. Black and white are easier to live with than just blue. The "us and them" mentality means there's one clear-cut victim. This time it's not me – it was Eames. I took advantage of our friendship and now I've torpedoed both our careers, among other things.

I spent my whole life worrying about other people, which is decent way to live I guess, so since there's no one left, I'll live for Eames, even though I've nothing to give her.

From now until I die, I'll be hanging on her every word.


	4. And So It Goes

AN: Thanks for the reviews. The song is, as requested, "And So It Goes" by Billy Joel. I thought I'd turn this one on its head a bit. Might not go down well but, hey, it's a free site. Let me know what you think.

* * *

_And every time I've held a rose,_

_it seems I only felt the thorns._

I hate my dead husband's guts and I hope it stays that way.

Don't look so shocked. I made a mistake in picking a guy who saw me as no more than some drinking buddy who was permanently available. Sure, it's sad, and I didn't _want _him to die, but I know if the same thing had happened to me, he wouldn't waste much time playing the grieving widower. It's not like he needed me.

People think I'm cold. Maybe that's why I don't deserve better? Why should I believe I could fall in love again if never really did?


	5. Angels

AN - I said I'd do it and I did. Here's "Angels" by Robbie Williams. Thanks so much to superfelix for that translation and feedback, and to everyone else for their requests and reviews. Keep 'em coming.

* * *

_I have been told that salvation lets their wings unfold._

"An easy day for us, Robert" Father Doug sighed. "Just this little angel and we're free, or at least you are." He grinned down wistfully at the two of them, the baby's wide eyes fixated on his little protegé. He almost felt guilty about the prospect of dowsing her with holy water until a thought crossed his mind."You never know, Robert. When she's 36, you'll be 43." The boy was immediately perplexed by this.

"Why did you say that? Why not 30 and 37?" The apocalypse couldn't have disguised the glint in old man's eye.

"36 sounds more likely."


	6. Enchantment Passing Through

AN: Hiya. This one is for musical lovers. The song is "Enchantment Passing Through (Reprise)" from...see if you can guess. Keep all that lovely feedback coming.

* * *

_There'll be no ties of time and space to bind us,_

_and no horizon we will not pursue._

_We'll leave this world's misfortunes far behind us,_

_and I will put my faith and trust in you._

"What would happen to us if we died at the same time, Eames?"

"Which opera are you talking about Goren?" she blurted out half-accidentally.

"Aïda, but that's besides the point," he rebutted, trying not to sound hurt, "but do you think we'd be "stuck together" if we died together?"

"No," she snapped. All was silent until Eames remembered an anecdote from 9th grade History. "Wait a second. I remember Aïda: Ancient Egypt – two lovers were buried alive because he was cheating on his wife and they meet again."

"That's the musical," Goren corrected. "So, what?"

"Do you...love me?"


	7. I'm Nobody's Mama

Hiya. Sorry the ouput's a little slow at the moment, but summer's on its way. Keep on coming with the questions, requests and feedback. Brief departure from the ship here. The song is "I'm Nobody's Mama" sung by Bernadette Peters from "Rita and Runt". Enjoy.

* * *

_But he's so small. __How could I care for him?__  
Should I care at all?__  
I could never stand "Help me, Mama. Feed me, Mama.  
Need me, Mama. Don't leave me Mama."_

It's easy, really - I pretend I don't care. Why kid myself? I hate kids – they cry and scream and fart and shit at the same time - that's just inhuman.

The pathetic thing is I hate it when they laugh the most. It's a lie. The second you part company with the outside world, it's back to hell on earth with no one who understands or just tries to forget.

But he's so tiny. And when they handed him to my oh-so-grateful sister, all I wanted was to shoot her.

Add me to that 1 in 5 statistic.


	8. Some Bhaji to Love

AN: Written because someone said Indian food is an aphrodisiac. A tribute to Chairman Humph. RIP.

* * *

_I don't need onion bhaji, I just need some bhaji to love._

"God, Goren, how can you eat this stuff?" Eames spluttered, her mouth overflowing with half-chewed pakora. He passed her a half-empty water bottle.

"There was a British base next to ours," he explained. "They ordered out a lot. As a training exercise, they'd ask us to intercept their take-out." He couldn't help but grin when she went diving into a carton of rice.

"So, how do you explain all this to a date?" she asked, tearing up a naan bread. The grin reappeared.

"I lived in the back, near the airbase. I only heard yodelling. Vindaloo. Vindaloo..."


	9. When She Loved Me

AN: My second-last update before I go on holiday. The song is "When She Loved Me" from "Toy Story 2". Reviews and requests are still welcome, though with requests I may not fill them all. I would also like to apologise again to superfelix for the whole "yodelling" thing. Really sorry.

* * *

_So the years went by.  
I stayed the same,  
but she began to drift away.  
I was left alone.  
Still I waited for the day  
when she'd say, "I will always love you"._

I wish I could name the day. If partnerships are like marriages, the day the spark died. When you don't want get up because it means another day of married life; I hear it usually happens when people retire, from knowing too much about the other half. I just remember looking up one day and seeing that look on Eames' face – she was wishing I would just disappear. Maybe she just knows me now? Knows that I'm really worth spending time with.

Maybe I should have just screwed up the partnership the right way while I still had the chance?


	10. They're Coming to Take Me Away

AN: I swear this is the last update before I go. I'm just like Tony Blair - "I'm going. No I'm not. Yes I am." The song is "They're Coming to Take Me Away" by Napolean XIV. I hope you like it. Requests and reviews please.

* * *

_Remember when you ran away and I begged you not to leave  
because I'd go berserk?? Well...  
You left me anyhow and then the days got worse and worse and now you see,  
I've gone completely out of my mind._

You did this. Just kept pretending you could walk away, like I was a part of some nightmare you kept on forcing to the back of your mind. You never noticed I was playing the part you asked of me. You never knew what I could, _would_, do for you. Or you just didn't care. And if you didn't care, what was the point in me being here, wasting air?

So I'm here, all because of you, and not even so much as a phone call. But, then again, you don't listen to messages, do you?

Thanks a lot, Bobby.


	11. Mystery Song

AN: Hello again This was supposed to be the "sad" one I was doing. It is a mystery song - it's good to have some intrigue surrounding me. Enjoy. Reviews and requests welcome as always. The rating is up a bit here for a swear but is otherwise clean.

* * *

_He won't make his way up to heaven  
by waltzing all his charges into hell. _

"I'll be frank, Daniel: we don't like what you've done with Major Case." He was full-naming him – he was in deep shit. "You've held the position for a year and it's...shambolic." Word of the Day calendar in action here. "We know Goren is a liability, but a carefully monitored one. The last thing we need is you hovering like some Goddamn helicopter parent. Got it?"

"Yes, Sir." At least it couldn't get worse.

"One last thing, Ross." He turned on his heel upon hearing his name.

"She's way out of your league."

Okay, now it couldn't get worse.


	12. I Can't Believe My Heart

AN: Here is the happy one as promised. Special thanks to superfelix for all the support and positive comments. The song is "I Can't Believe My Heart" by Susan Egan.

* * *

_I can't believe my heart  
surrendered when I kissed him,  
and told me all I thought I knew,  
how sad, but true, is wrong. _

It's so good to know that I was wrong. My whole life didn't collapse, the thunder didn't roll and the lightening didn't flash (not the weren't still a few pyrotechnics, well, more than a few) the fabric of the universe didn't unravel even though I finally let it happen.

Things are always different from how you imagine. This was better. Everything went giddy, like the world was made of champagne.

I stopped first, just so I could make sure it wasn't too good to be happening to me. He just couldn't stop smiling.

"It was worth the wait."

You too.


	13. I Believe My Heart

AN: I'm back. Sorry it took a while, and also if it's a bit corny. The song is "I Believe My Heart" from "The Woman in White". All kinds of feedback most welcome.

* * *

_And with all my soul,  
I believe my heart.  
The portrait that it paints of you  
is a perfect work of art._

For a guy who never needed anyone, people find it strange I invest everything in one person. I let the world believe I just drift by with some kind of reverse Midas touch. The only reason I do it is because Eames _wants _to see through it. She wants to know the real reasons. It's so terrifying and amazing all at once.

She doesn't know I see her too.

Eames is like modern art – truth can be beautiful without even trying, even if it looks repulsive on the surface. Looking at her is just...well, I'll just say she's Klein.


	14. I Believe

A/N: I'm back. The song is "I Believe" by Diamond Rio.

* * *

_The people who don't see the most,  
see that I believe in ghosts.  
If that makes me crazy, then I am,  
cause I believe._

I'm not sure if it's better or worse. The "loop of grief" is supposed to be over. To me, that just means I didn't remember to feel sad until I got to work. The pain's pretty sharp, but I'm not taking pills. I don't need emotional Vicodin.

I quit after a while. I didn't want to find a replacement for her just to act as some kind of upper. The dead are only alive in the memories of those who loved them, so if I just let this tailspin take control, I'll only be living in my thoughts.

With Eames.


	15. Who I Am Hates Who I've Been

AN: Hello all. Go see "Wall-E". IT ROCKS! The song is a request from Kchan - "Who I Am Hates Who I've Been" by Relient K. I inverted it a bit since writing Goren isn't my strong suit. Sorry for the late update.

* * *

_You might think I'm losing my mind,  
but I will shy away from the specifics,  
cause I don't want you to know where I am,  
cause then you'll see my heart in the saddest state it's ever been._

"I'm worried about you, Sweetheart." Dad's eyes are pained, like he's already watching me being sectioned. The exact reason is unclear, although we both know the cause."I know how important how a partnership is for any cop, but it's not worth it." He winces; the coffee's spiked. "It's hurting you."

The most affecting relationships in life are the ones that still need the most work after they're over. The pain Mom caused with her illness still lingers on Dad's tan line. It wasn't worth it.

Even though this is, I never want him to see how painful it is.


	16. The Least of My Troubles

AN: Thought I'd update again to make up for the recent gap. The song is "The Least of My Troubles" from "Blondel" by Tim Rice.

* * *

_The least of my troubles is knowing I want you,  
and, facing the facts, I'm not much on my own.  
The worst that could happen would be if you left me,  
for then I'd have troubles that I've never known._

You could say I've got problems, but with the job they're not so bad. I unearth other people's issues and neuroses instead. "There but for the grace of God go I", I guess. People think it must be difficult not having a like-minded person to work with. To put it another way, they tell her she's throwing her life away for some psycho. There are times when I'd have to agree.

I need to be more careful. Things are changing between us, and if "something" happens, I'll have all kinds of new problems. For example -"Why go to work?"


	17. El Tango de Roxanne

AN: Hello all. Updates may become infrequent henceforth. The song is "El Tango de Roxanne" from "Moulin Rouge!" Keep the reviews and requests coming.

* * *

_You're free to leave me,  
but just don't deceive me  
and believe me when I say "I love you"._

I hate it whenever Eames mentions she worked in Vice, if you asked me why I'd make up a "one of the guys" reason about how she had to dress, but I hate even more when other cops hold it over head, like a threat.

It's not much more pleasant the detail she has at the moment. I have to wonder what keeps her here, besides guilt. She knows she's free to go. If she did, I'd only ask that she was honest with me. I'd return the favour and tell her why I never ever want her to go.


	18. Still Loving You

AN: Hello again. The song is "Still Loving You". Unsure of the artist. The song was from "14 and Pregnant", which I did not watch of my own free will. This was supposed to be Eames talking. Probably the worst one to date. Sorry. Promise the next one will be better.

* * *

_I guess I'm slow to change,  
because I'm still loving you._

Humanity's problem is people take so long to better themselves. I guess fatalism stems from frustration about how difficult it is to be a better person, or just those of us down on the ground never feeling like we made a _real _difference to world.

I don't think it's all bad. It can mean that some things are "meant to be", or it's just too hard to fight them. No matter how much someone changes for the worse and however slowly it happens that you don't notice, you know they will still be in your lives.

I can't help it.


	19. The Special Two

AN: I'm back. Sorry I was gone so long. I know I promised a fluffy one, and this one's kinda angsty, so I'm uploading two at once. Reviews and requests please. The song is "The Special Two" by Missy Higgins.

* * *

_These arms will not be taught to need another,  
cause we're the special two._

I wish I could move on. Just tie up the loose ends and be done. Being so fixed to someone is a drain, like when you're looking for some vodka and sympathy and just end up wishing you'd done that overtime.

I feel like every part of me except this one resistant fibre is ready to throw in the towel with Bobby. I couldn't figure it out at first, but then I got: it's my arms. They still feel 'that way'.

They refuse to learn that I can't be with him anymore. It's just too much, and yet not enough.


	20. Kiss Me

AN: Here's that fluffy one. The song is "Kiss Me" by Sixpence, None the Richer. You may remember it from "She's All That". Reviews and request please.

* * *

_Strike up the band and make the fireflies dance.  
Silver moon's sparkling,  
so kiss me._

"Why couldn't the Jersey cops sit on this place?" Eames muttered, her gaze lazily following one of the numerous fireflies.  
"Because the Rangers are about to get trashed," her partner replied, nearly impaling his elbow on a schnapps bottle. Eames picked it up and examined the label.  
"Ah, cheap booze in a Godforsaken field. Just like a bad teen movie, " she laughed. They paused, waiting.  
"Then we only need one more thing to complete the illusion." He smiled: no more waiting!  
She was about to ask what, but she understood.

There's nothing like a second shot at your first kiss.


	21. Photograph

AN: Sorry for going away for so long, but as I said, things will be pretty irregular for the time being. Anyway, the song is "Photograph" by Nickelback. It's set a bit in the future. Reviews and requests please. Thanks for the support.

* * *

_I miss that town.  
I miss their faces.  
You can't erase,  
you can't escape it._

There's this old man who lives downstairs. I've seen some sad stuff, but this was something else. When the mail man gave us his phone bill by mistake, I went downstairs to give it to him. What a mess! From what I could see, all the floors were covered with photographs. He took the envelope without so much as a grunt. After an awkward silences, he tapped his side of the door. There was a picture of this woman in Central Park, looking almost, but not quite, happy. "That's my favourite," he muttered.

I hope he remembers her next week.


	22. Wishing

AN: Back again. This one's post "Untethered". The song is "Wishing" by Sugarland. Requests and reviews please. Sorry for being away for so long.

* * *

  


_I keep telling myself I'm moving on..._

Why is it when I take a personal day, I'm going for an interview, but when Ross takes a personal week he has terrible flu? But this time I really M going for an interview – a position as a supervisor in a security company. Not bad for a former cop who's done nothing else. Yes, that's what I said, "former".

I guess it was just too much after a while. I missed not having you around, funnily enough. This time is going be that "do-over" everyone in world seems to want, unless someone convinces me otherwise.

They probably won't.


	23. Genevieve

AN: I'm back. Again, I apologise for the infrequency. Anyway, this one's slightly related to the last one but it works by itself. The song's "Genevieve" by Sugarland. I'm going to try something different from angst next time.

* * *

_Well, the world won't turn. The world won't turn.  
The frames won't break and the letters won't burn.  
The whole thing seemed like Einstein's dreams.  
See the smoke, start to shiver.  
I'd do anything to just forget her._

She didn't even bother to clean out her desk, which was nice of her. Make it look like some "family emergency" came up and that she didn't stay home to look through want ads.

I emptied everything onto the stovetop and took a match to it. I wish our problems were as easy to get rid of as this. Apart from having to smash the frames, it's pretty easy. These days, I don't think it's even worth trying. What if one day, we both just stopped caring?

What if something really happened to her and just trashed all her stuff?


	24. Ditesmoi

AN: See what I mean by infrequent. Anyway, sorry for going away for so long. The song is "Dites-moi" from South Pacific. Happy reading.

* * *

_Dites-moi pourquoi la vie est belle.  
Dites-moi pourquoi la vie est gai.  
Dites-moi pourquoi, chère mademoiselle.  
Est-ce que parce-que vous m'aimez?_

It was that kind of day. The roofs and umbrellas were under rapid, unceasing fire from rain and Eames was besieged by her conscience. She had a choice to make, one that could affect the entire course of her life: cookie dough or mint chocolate.

Yep, getting dumped sucked. Having your partner trying to coax you away from your unnecessary personal day sucked harder.

"It's like Seattle out there."  
"From where I'm standing, it's California." Eames arched an eyebrow.  
"How does that work?" Goren arched back.  
"The more you pretend you're not happy I'm here, the brighter the sun shines."


	25. What I Really Meant to Say

AN: Now that's infrequent! Anyway, I'm sorry for being such a bitch for not updating in ages. A little post-"Purgatory" one. The song is "What I Really Meant to Say" by Cyndi Thomson. Enjoy. Reviews and requests bitte.

* * *

_I'm still in love with you.  
That's what I really meant to say._

"Welcome back to the fold," Eames smiled weakly. Everything felt so perfunctory now, almost like a marriage stagnating to point of both parties forgetting the other's existence, let alone names, or why the hell they were still doing this to each other. Almost, but not completely. She could still find hope occasionally, like now.

She felt the words coursing through her arteries, away from her heart and into her throat, her mind, but decided that "I missed you" would have to wait. She couldn't understand why.

It didn't matter, she thought. It was still a lie, after all. By omission.


	26. Valentine

AN: Okay, it has been a ridiculously long time, and I am so sorry, but I will finish this thing if it kills me. New review policy - don't be nice to me, be brutal. I want to be the type of fanfic author where every one of my fics is really worth reading, so if something is less than brilliant, I have to know. Any requests?

* * *

_If there were no tears, no way to feel inside,  
I'd still feel for you._

I feel nothing. No loss, no grief, no empty nest that was ever full to begin with, just nothing.

It isn't even a human being lying here – just a big, fat mess of blood and guts and 36 week leases. I wish I could just disappear until I was of more value to my nearest and dearest than a storage facility.

And why? What have achieved from all of this, other than giving myself another flaw? Why do anything if that's the end result?

But I guess I should try to go in. I don't want Bobby to worry.


End file.
